Marriage Minute: New Year’s Resolutions

Have you made New Year’s Resolutions for 2019? If not, you still have time.

According to data shared by Statista, 15% of people reported that their 2018 New Year’s Resolution was to “find love.”

Other popular New Year’s Resolutions included saving money, losing weight, and eating healthier. One goal notably absent from this list?

“Improve my relationship with my spouse/significant other.”

Setting goals to improve your relationship may not be the first thing that comes to mind at the turn of the calendar year. But being intentional about improving communication, trust, and satisfaction can yield significant positive change.

So commit to making 2019 the best year yet for your relationship.

Related blog posts

The Marriage Minute From The Gottman Institute, dated 27 December 2018. You can sign up here to get The Marriage Minute delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

Advertisements

Marriage Minute: Difference doesn’t have to be painful

Most issues in a relationship are not solvable.

These kinds of problems are generally hard-wired into the relationship by virtue of your respective personalities.

You may be an introvert while they’re an extrovert. Maybe you’re neat and they’re comfortable with messiness. Maybe you’re an atheist and they’re a person of faith.

These things are not likely to change over the lifetime of your marriage. It doesn’t make sense to try to “resolve” them.

Prioritize dialogue instead. Not simply conversation, but an actual effort to understand your partner’s point of view.

That means learning to be curious and compassionate and creative about your perpetual issues.

It means learning to accept that difference doesn’t have to be painful.

It can simply be present.

Related blog posts

The Marriage Minute From The Gottman Institute, dated 13 December 2018. You can sign up here to get The Marriage Minute delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

Marriage Minute: Listen Listen Listen

Be sure you understand what your partner is saying before responding.

When you respond, try to do so with kindness.

Treat your partner like they are someone you love.

Related blog posts

The Marriage Minute From The Gottman Institute, dated 4 December 2018. You can sign up here to get The Marriage Minute delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

Marriage Minute: We are pack animals

We are wired to connect.

After all, biologically, we are pack animals. Our need for connection is as fundamental as our need for food and water.

Aristotle asserted long ago in Politics: Man is by nature a social animal… Anyone who either cannot lead the common life or is so self-sufficient as not to need to, and therefore does not partake of society, is either a beast or a god.

New research has shown that preventing loneliness is a critical component to staying healthy, much like eating right and exercising.

Making time to connect with your partner isn’t just important for the health of your relationship—it’s an essential investment in your overall health.

Related blog posts

The Marriage Minute From The Gottman Institute, dated 8 November 2018. You can sign up here to get The Marriage Minute delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

Marriage Minute: Halloween Rituals

Some couples get really into Halloween. If you’re one of those couples, that’s great. If you’re not, that’s okay, too.

Even if you don’t dress up as Sandy and Danny from Grease, you can still celebrate tomorrow. Holidays are an opportunity to create rituals of connection in your relationship.

In his book The Intentional Family, Bill Dougherty discusses “rituals of connection” as an important tool for successful relationships. A ritual of connection is a way of regularly turning towards your partner that can be counted on.

Instead of going to a Halloween party, you could stay in and watch the same scary movie together every year. Or you could carve pumpkins. Whatever you do, make it your “thing.”

Related blog posts

The Marriage Minute From The Gottman Institute, dated 30 October 2018. You can sign up here to get The Marriage Minute delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

Marriage Minute: Emotional Triggers

We all have emotional triggers. When those buttons are pushed, we’re reminded of a memory or situation from our past.

Working on understanding each other’s triggers is one of the most important things you can do in your relationship.

Learn the stories behind your partner’s triggers to understand where they’re coming from.

With this knowledge, you can identify which behaviors to avoid, so that the two of you don’t accidentally set each other off.

Related blog posts

The Marriage Minute From The Gottman Institute, dated 23 October 2018. You can sign up here to get The Marriage Minute delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

Marriage Minute: The magic relationship ratio

After researching thousands of couples for decades, The Gottman Institute discovered a number of facts about successful relationships. But one important fact stands out among the rest:

The magic relationship ratio is 5:1.

Five to one of what? Simply put, successful and lasting relationships must have a ratio of five positive interactions for every single negative interaction, and it is the difference between the “masters” and “disasters” of relationships.

In other words, disasters fall below 5:1, but masters keep their positive to negative ratio of interactions at 5:1 or above, and sometimes even as high as 20:1!

Fortunately, most positive interactions in relationships are small, everyday gestures of kindness, affection, and appreciation. If you’re worried that you’re not hitting 5:1, try creating some positive, daily rituals of connection in your relationship.

To learn more, click here to watch Dr. John Gottman explain the 5:1 ratio.

Additional reading:


The Marriage Minute From The Gottman Institute, dated 10 May 2018. You can sign up here to get The Marriage Minute delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning.