Relationship Minute: Focus on being interested, not interesting

In his 1937 classic How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie wrote, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”

While Carnegie’s advice centers on friendship and sales, our research shows that you can apply the same principles to build better relationships with your spouse, your siblings, your children, your boss—anyone who plays a significant role in your life.

That’s because everybody wants to feel valued and appreciated.

So focus on being interested, not interesting.

Related blog posts

The Relationship Minute From The Gottman Institute, dated 28 February 2019. You can sign up here to get it delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

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Relationship Minute: Pay attention

It’s not the depth of intimacy in conversations that matters.

It doesn’t even matter whether you agree or disagree.

The important thing is how you pay attention to each other, no matter what you’re talking about or doing.

So listen to your partner. And put your phone down when they want to chat.

Related Blog Posts

The Relationship Minute From The Gottman Institute, dated 12 February 2019. You can sign up here to get it delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

Relationship Minute: Un-Valentine’s Day

The term “un-birthday” was coined by Lewis Carrol in Through the Looking Glass.

It’s a day that’s celebrated on any or all of the 364 days on which its not the person’s birthday.

Now, statistics prove, prove that you’ve one birthday
Imagine, just one birthday every year
Ah, but there are three hundred and sixty four un-birthdays!
Precisely why we’re gathered here to cheer

So by all means, celebrate Valentine’s Day today. Do something meaningful with your partner.

But celebrate the other 364 Un-Valentine’s Days, too.

Related blog posts:

The Relationship Minute From The Gottman Institute, dated 14 February 2019. You can sign up here to get it delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

Relationship Minute: Choose commitment

In a relationship, commitment is a choice we make every single day, over and over again.

We choose it when we’re tired and overworked and stressed.We choose it no matter what attractive person crosses our path.

We choose it every time our partner makes a bid for attention and we put down our book, or look away from the TV, or up from our phone to acknowledge their importance in our life.

When we make our relationship a priority by showing that it’s a priority, we build trust and demonstrate our loyalty.

Related blog posts

The Relationship Minute From The Gottman Institute, dated 29 January 2019. You can sign up here to get it delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

Relationship Minute: Mix it up

One of the biggest mistakes couples make is putting their relationship on autopilot.

So mix it up.

Research has shown that engaging in novel experiences as a couple activates the brain’s reward system.

Dr. Arthur Aron and his colleagues conducted experiments and revealed that couples who go on “exciting” and novel date nights, or engage in fun and challenging activities, have higher relationship satisfaction.

Such novel experiences release dopamine and norepinephrine, the same chemicals which are released during early romantic courtship.

The bottom line is that novelty isn’t a luxury or indulgence. It’s a necessity for a successful, happy relationship.

Related blog posts

The Relationship Minute From The Gottman Institute, dated 22 January 2019. You can sign up here to get it delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

Relationship Minute: Date Night

Have a weekly date night. And make it a priority in your relationship.

A date doesn’t need to be expensive. It doesn’t even need to cost money.

It just needs to be a specific amount of time set aside for the two of you to focus on each other and connect.

Show up, no matter what.

Where there is a will there is always a way.

Related blog posts

The Relationship Minute From The Gottman Institute, dated 17 January 2019. You can sign up here to get it delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

Relationship Minute: Kiss a Lot

There’s one simple way to keep things passionate in your relationship—kiss.

Kiss a lot.

Kiss often.

Kiss each time you leave each other, and each time you see each other again after being apart.

When you do, you tell each other that you matter. And you choose each other all over again.

Related blog posts

 

The Relationship Minute From The Gottman Institute, dated 10 January 2019. You can sign up here to get it delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning.