We’ve all been defensive. Defensiveness is self-protection in an attempt to ward off a perceived attack, and it’s one of the Four Horsemen that predicts divorce.
The antidote to defensiveness is to accept responsibility for your role in the issue.
Think about the word responsibility.
You have the ability to respond with patience and kindness. The key is to be aware of your triggers. And to understand the difference between a perceived attack and an actual one.
Let that awareness inform your response ability.