Relationship Minute: Anger simply is

In The Dance of Anger, Dr. Harriet Lerner writes,

Anger is neither legitimate nor illegitimate, meaningful nor pointless. Anger simply is.

To ask, “Is my anger legitimate?” is similar to asking, “Do I have the right to be thirsty? After all, I just had a glass of water fifteen minutes ago. Surely my thirst is not legitimate. And besides, what’s the point of getting thirsty when I can’t get anything to drink now, anyway?”

Anger is something we feel.

It exists for a reason and always deserves our respect and attention.

We all have a right to everything we feel—and certainly our anger is no exception.

All feelings, whether we label them as “good” or not, exist for a reason.Pain shows us what to pay attention to.

Pay attention to all your feelings, without judgment. They might hold some answers for you.

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The Relationship Minute from The Gottman Institute, dated 23 January 2020. You can sign up here to get it delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning.