Relationship Minute: Change the metric

If you expect perfection of yourself, your relationship, and others, you are bound for disappointment.

A perfect relationship would require each individual to stop being imperfect or, as it is better known, human. Perfection as a metric for success is the foundation of countless sci-fi plotlines.

While you should maintain high expectations for how you are treated in a relationship, you may want to change the metric for “success.”

Instead of trying to be perfect or conflict-free, try measuring your success with questions like these:

  • Was I kind to my partner today?
  • Did we treat each other with respect?
  • Can we trust each other?
  • Are we friends?
  • Were we able to repair any conflict that arose?

The answers to those questions will be better indicators of your relationship’s success. After all, holding yourself to a standard of perfection is exactly what the robots want.

Related blog posts

The Relationship Minute from The Gottman Institute, dated 29 August 2019. You can sign up here to get it delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

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