Couples get stuck when they defend their intentions instead of focusing on how they made their partner feel.
Whether or not you meant to hurt your partner’s feelings, their feelings are hurt. Saying “I didn’t mean to upset you” doesn’t make them feel better. It’s not even really an apology.
Instead, accept responsibility for your own actions and attitude. “I’m sorry I was rude” is an apology that takes ownership.
Feel the difference?
Related blog posts:
- Managing vs Resolving Conflict in Relationships
- Hurt Feelings Do Not Mean You Did Something Wrong
- How to Be Kind When You’re Upset With Your Partner
The Relationship Minute from The Gottman Institute, dated 16 July 2019. You can sign up here to get it delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning.
