Marriage Minute: There’s something all couples fight about…

Take a guess. Money? Sex? Chores? Those are all good guesses, and likely accurate for many couples, but not true for all couples.

In an interview, Anderson Cooper asked John Gottman about the number one thing that couples fight about. His answer?


That’s right. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zero. Zilch!

For example, in the Love Lab, a couple fought over which TV show to watch. John determined that “it just happens” and they’re actually not fighting about the TV.

What they might really be fighting about is control, or sharing, or compromise. But none of that is expressed, so they’re really arguing over nothing!

So, if you find yourself in those kinds of fights with your partner, try to take a step back and ask them what’s really going. What’s the core issue here? What do they need from you? What do you need from them?

Related blog posts

The Marriage Minute From The Gottman Institute, dated 7 August 2018. You can sign up here to get The Marriage Minute delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

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