Marriage Minute: Difference doesn’t have to be painful

Most issues in a relationship are not solvable.

These kinds of problems are generally hard-wired into the relationship by virtue of your respective personalities.

You may be an introvert while they’re an extrovert. Maybe you’re neat and they’re comfortable with messiness. Maybe you’re an atheist and they’re a person of faith.

These things are not likely to change over the lifetime of your marriage. It doesn’t make sense to try to “resolve” them.

Prioritize dialogue instead. Not simply conversation, but an actual effort to understand your partner’s point of view.

That means learning to be curious and compassionate and creative about your perpetual issues.

It means learning to accept that difference doesn’t have to be painful.

It can simply be present.

Related blog posts

The Marriage Minute From The Gottman Institute, dated 13 December 2018. You can sign up here to get The Marriage Minute delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

Marriage Minute: Listen Listen Listen

Be sure you understand what your partner is saying before responding.

When you respond, try to do so with kindness.

Treat your partner like they are someone you love.

Related blog posts

The Marriage Minute From The Gottman Institute, dated 4 December 2018. You can sign up here to get The Marriage Minute delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

Marriage Minute: Kintsugi

Kintsugi is the Japanese tradition of restoring broken objects with gold so the cracks are illuminated, not hidden.

The belief is that the pottery is more beautiful for having been broken.

Relationships work the same way.

If we choose to embrace our struggles and repair ourselves with love, we too become more beautiful for having been broken.

This is the essence of resilience.

Related blog posts

The Marriage Minute From The Gottman Institute, dated 15 November 2018. You can sign up here to get The Marriage Minute delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

Marriage Minute: We are pack animals

We are wired to connect.

After all, biologically, we are pack animals. Our need for connection is as fundamental as our need for food and water.

Aristotle asserted long ago in Politics: Man is by nature a social animal… Anyone who either cannot lead the common life or is so self-sufficient as not to need to, and therefore does not partake of society, is either a beast or a god.

New research has shown that preventing loneliness is a critical component to staying healthy, much like eating right and exercising.

Making time to connect with your partner isn’t just important for the health of your relationship—it’s an essential investment in your overall health.

Related blog posts

The Marriage Minute From The Gottman Institute, dated 8 November 2018. You can sign up here to get The Marriage Minute delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

FREE 1 extra hour of sleep! Limited time offer!

That’s right, coming this Sunday you can be the proud owner of an absolutely FREE, extra hour of sleep.

This Sunday morning, November 4, 2018 at 2 a.m., daylight savings time will end and the clocks in most states will turn back 1 hour.

Daylight savings time is not observed in Hawaii or in most of Arizona, although the Navajo Nation does observe it, but it is observed in all other states.

How do you take advantage of this special offer? It’s as simple as 1, 2, 3:

1. On Saturday night, turn back your clocks by 1 hour.
2. Go to bed
3. Wake up on Sunday with one extra hour of sleep

This offer is limited to no one! But hurry!
This offer expires on Sunday, March 10, 2019
when the clocks spring forward 1 hour!

Marriage Minute: Halloween Rituals

Some couples get really into Halloween. If you’re one of those couples, that’s great. If you’re not, that’s okay, too.

Even if you don’t dress up as Sandy and Danny from Grease, you can still celebrate tomorrow. Holidays are an opportunity to create rituals of connection in your relationship.

In his book The Intentional Family, Bill Dougherty discusses “rituals of connection” as an important tool for successful relationships. A ritual of connection is a way of regularly turning towards your partner that can be counted on.

Instead of going to a Halloween party, you could stay in and watch the same scary movie together every year. Or you could carve pumpkins. Whatever you do, make it your “thing.”

Related blog posts

The Marriage Minute From The Gottman Institute, dated 30 October 2018. You can sign up here to get The Marriage Minute delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

Marriage Minute: Emotional Triggers

We all have emotional triggers. When those buttons are pushed, we’re reminded of a memory or situation from our past.

Working on understanding each other’s triggers is one of the most important things you can do in your relationship.

Learn the stories behind your partner’s triggers to understand where they’re coming from.

With this knowledge, you can identify which behaviors to avoid, so that the two of you don’t accidentally set each other off.

Related blog posts

The Marriage Minute From The Gottman Institute, dated 23 October 2018. You can sign up here to get The Marriage Minute delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning.