Marriage Minute: The one big thing

The one big thing in marriage is trust.

Can I trust you to be there for me when I’m upset? 

Can I trust you to choose me over your friends?

Can I trust you to respect me?

We’ve learned that trust is built in very small moments. In any interaction, there is a possibility of connecting with your partner or turning away from your partner.

Turn towards bids for connection. Express appreciation for each other. Brag about each other’s talents and achievements. Say “I love you” every day.

Trust us.

The Marriage Minute From The Gottman Institute, dated 14 September 2017. You can sign up here to get The Marriage Minute delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

Marriage Minute: The Grass is Greener

In any interaction, there is a possibility of connecting with your partner or turning away. One single moment is not that important, but if you’re consistently choosing to turn away, then trust erodes.

When this happens, you begin to focus on your partner’s flaws. You forget about their traits you admire and value.

Eventually you start making what researcher Caryl Rusbult calls “negative comparisons.” You start to compare your spouse to someone else, real or imagined, and you think, “I can do better.”

Invest in your marriage instead. Express appreciation for each other. Brag about each other’s achievements. Say “I love you” every day.

The grass isn’t greener on the other side. The grass is greener where you water it.

The Marriage Minute From The Gottman Institute, dated 31 August 2017. You can sign up here to get The Marriage Minute delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

Back to School Round-Up – Saturday, August 26

It is almost that time again! The 2017 Back to School Round Up Event will be held on August 26th, 2017, from 1-3pm, at the PRIDE Hangar.

Please come out and join us for educational resources, FREE school supplies (while supplies last) provided by Operation Home Front for the first 300 children, Dahl art center art projects, a photo booth, climbing wall, bouncy castles, sensory tables, a planetarium dome, and a petting zoo. There will also be prize drawings @ 2:45pm for different age groups.

This event is hosted by the 28 FSS Airman and Family Readiness Flight and Child and Youth Services Flight.

 

Marriage Minute: Response Ability

We’ve all been defensive. Defensiveness is self-protection in an attempt to ward off a perceived attack, and it’s one of the Four Horsemen that predicts divorce.

The antidote to defensiveness is to accept responsibility for your role in the issue.

Think about the word responsibility.

Response. Ability.

You have the ability to respond with patience and kindness. The key is to be aware of your triggers. And to understand the difference between a perceived attack and an actual one.

Let that awareness inform your response ability.

The Marriage Minute From The Gottman Institute, dated 20 July 2017. You can sign up here to get The Marriage Minute delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

The 77th Annual Sturgis Motorcycle Rally is Here!

The 77th Annual Sturgis Motorcycle Rally officially starts today, Friday, August 4th, and runs through Sunday, August 13th. If you haven’t already noticed increased traffic on I-90 yet, you will as Rally goers begin pouring into the Black Hills region.

Last year the rally had an estimated attendance of 463,412. Even if you aren’t going up to Sturgis you will be affected by the Rally. Tourist sites from the Badlands to Devil’s Tower and throughout the Black Hills, as well as restaurants, bars, or anything you think of as entertainment will be packed. HAVE PATIENCE!

The Rally is the experience of a lifetime. Visiting exhibitors can show you anything and everything you’d want or need to dress you up or dress up your bike. Or demo virtually every kind of bike on the market – custom, V-Twin or metric. In addition to the bikes there are concerts, races and bike shows, five blocks of Sturgis’s Main Street (bikes-only), organized rides, and custom legends.

If you are new to the area or have never gone to the Rally, check it out, but be prepared for traffic and a lot of people.

Here are a few tips to survive the Rally:

  • If you are going, have a plan. (Have a designated driver!)
  • There are no open containers allowed in Sturgis
  • Pay attention to the signs that say NO PARKING and the curbs that are painted yellow. If you park by these you will be towed and walking to the impound yard to pay to get your ride back.
  • Look out for motorcycles, not all of them are looking out for you
  • Pay attention to speed limits and additional stop signs in all areas
  • Again, HAVE PATIENCE!

South Dakota Motorcycle Driving Laws (Source: South Dakota Rides)

  • No person may operate a motorcycle more than two abreast in a single lane. The operator of a motorcycle may not overtake and pass in the same lane occupied by the vehicle being overtaken.
  • Every motorcycle must be equipped with at least one but no more than two headlamps..
  • All persons under the age of 18 must wear motorcycle safety helmets that are approved by the South Dakota Department of Transportation.
  • A person riding in an enclosed cab attached to a motorcycle does not have to wear a safety helmet.
  • A motorcycle operator must wear an eye protective device unless the motorcycle is equipped with a windscreen of sufficient height and design that protects the motorcycle operator. When headlights are required to be on, a motorcycle operator cannot wear protective eye devices that are tinted or shaded to reduce the light transmission of the device below 35 percent.
  • Motorcycles must have at least one tail lamp, which when lighted emits a red light visible for a distance of 500 feet.
  • Noise Limits: Every motorcycle must at all times be equipped with a muffler in good working order and in constant operation to prevent excessive or unusual noise.

What will bad behavior cost you? (also factor in costs to your career)

Common City Violations

  • Careless Driving – $110
  • City Parking Violations – $10
  • City Trespassing/Camping in the Street – $130
  • Deposit of Filth in Public Place – $105
  • Disorderly Conduct – $130
  • Dog Running at Large (1st off.) – $75
  • Driving on Bike Path/Sidewalk – $130
  • Exhibition Driving – $85
  • Indecent Exposure – $130
  • Open Container In Public -$80
  • Parking in Handicapped Zone – $100
  • Stop Light/Stop Sign Violation – $110
  • Truck Routes & Use of Streets by Trucks – $110
  • U-turn Prohibited – $85
  • Wrong Way on One Way Street -$110
  • Unlawful to Obstruct Streets/Selling on the Street – $105

Common State Motorcycle Violations

  • Cyclist Overtaking and Passing M/V in same lane – $120
  • Eye Protection Required – $ 25
  • Helmet Required under Age 18 – $120
  • Illegal Handlebar Height – $25
  • Illegal Motor Cycle Exhaust – $25
  • Operation Without Motorcycle Endorsement – $120

Common State Law Violations

  • Furnishing  Alcohol to Minor 18-21 – Court Appearance Req.
  • Open Container in Motor Vehicle – $120
  • Possess of Controlled Substance – Custody Arrest
  • Possess of Drug Paraphernalia – $270
  • Possess of Marijuana – Custody Arrest
  • Possess of Substances for High Abuse (Distribution) – Custody Arrest
  • Underage Alcohol Purchase/Possession/Consumption – Court Appearance Req.
  • Underage Purchase/Possession/Consumption of Cigarettes – $95
  • Cancelled License – $140
  • No Driver License – $120
  • Revoked License – Custody Arrest
  • Suspended License – $270
  • Violation of License Restrictions – $120

Marriage Minute: The Weekly Meeting

Research has shown that spending just one hour per week discussing areas of concern in your relationship can transform the way you and your partner manage conflict. We call this the weekly “State of the Union” meeting.

Here’s how to do it. Begin by talking about what went right since your last meeting. Then give each other five appreciations you haven’t yet expressed. Try to be specific.

Next, discuss any issues that may have arisen. Use gentle start-up and listen non-defensively. Take turns being the speaker and the listener. Only after each other feels heard and understood do you move on to problem solving.

End by asking each other, “What can I do to make you feel loved this week?”

The Marriage Minute From The Gottman Institute, dated 3 August 2017. You can sign up here to get The Marriage Minute delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning. 

Marriage Minute: Explore Roles Together

It is suggested that couples create shared meaning by exploring roles together.

Our sense of place in the world is based to a great extent on the various roles we play — we are spouses, perhaps children and/or parents, and workers of one kind or another.

Start by having a conversation about the meanings of the words “husband” and “wife.”

What do these roles mean?
What did they mean in your house growing up?
What assumptions do you have about each of those roles?
What is similar?
What is different?

You won’t see eye to eye on every philosophical or spiritual aspect of life, but the more you understand each other, the more connected you’ll feel.

The Marriage Minute From The Gottman Institute, dated 27 July 2017. You can sign up here to get The Marriage Minute delivered to your inbox every Tuesday and Thursday morning.